I'll tell you what I want what I really really want

I figured it out.

But you'll probably say no.

And 10 months is a long time to wait.

my only valentine

I wish I didn't lose most of my journal entries from high school.

I'm pretty sure I'd find an entry somewhere explaining the feeling I have right now.

I'm so conflicted and upset right now.

oh god yes

I'm going to be okay.

I'm going to be just fine.

I'm going to pick up the pieces and start all over.

I can't believe I almost forgot that I had all the power in this scene.

oh don't even

I'm so nostalgic today!

I've been feeling so happy followed by bouts of sadness.

uh...

yeah I know it's been like 2 months since I've updated but I'm not too concerned about it.

Things are stagnant and I do not like it.

I'm not really in to people right now.

I'm more concerned with what I'm doing and why I came here.

oh baby

I think I'm finally over it.

Amazing!

I used to think so highly of you

I'm doing a project for voice class, and I don't want to go into details about what it is about specifically, but I went searching through old journal entries to help give me some inspiration.

I found some gems:

Oct 2
Today, I was doing my work, and he kept turning around and smiling at me. He did this 3 times, until I was like, "what?" and he just said, "nothing" and kept smiling. It's so weird.

Jan 15
Even if he likes me back or not, it's awesome knowing that there's someone who makes the effort to talk to you, not the other way around. Someone who just looks at you the right way and it makes you nervous but at the same time, you have to smile because it feels so good. There is no better relief then when you're waiting for him to show up and you're all nervous because you don't know what to say...and then when you see him, all anxiety melts away because...nothing needs to be said. And when the silence gets too awkward, he's the one starting the conversation. I don't remember feeling this way about anyone.

I hope to someday feel that way again.